indiscretion 101
by amy like the pond
Summary: in the backseat of jeff's car, on the night of troy's birthday, things go... slightly different. britta x abed, high t. multichap.
1. Chapter 1

**an**. hey this is my brittaabed fic because THERE ARE NO BRITTA ABED FICS? what is wrong with you universe? anywhoo, i hope y'all enjoy!

**warning**: swearing and mentioning of mature?themes. idk.

and thanks to my beautiful beta, _pixiesticks-cc_, for betaaing and coming up with the title (because i'm terrible at titles) :D

* * *

_in mixology certification, when jeff, britta and abed are left in the backseat of jeff's car, there's a rather interesting turn of events..._

* * *

**chapter 1**

It's dark, cramped, and Britta is horny.

She's drunk, of course, and being drunk always makes her horny. She should probably stop drinking- "Ha!" she laughs aloud, causing Jeff's unconscious figure to jolt in surprise.

"Errblubleh," he groans, and then giggles in a very un-Jeff-like manner. "I can't speak language."

_Perfect_, Britta thinks.

Because Britta has been sleeping with Jeff for a while now. He knows the deal. She knows the deal. They both know the deal. She wants sex, she calls him. He wants sex, he calls her. And there's nothing even a _bit_ awkward about it. Ever. It's a bit weird, actually; the fact that there's nothing weird about it. For the few minutes in which she had been convinced that she was in love with Jeff Winger, she never imagined that it would be so... indifferent. There _is_ a thrill to it, though. Having sex behind the Study Group's back is almost comical. She likes being subtle. She's very rarely subtle, and when she's sneaking around with Jeff, she feels like a spy... a sexy spy...

She laughs out loud again, and then covers her mouth with her hand. She can't be a spy with Abed right here! He's right here! She turns around and he's wide awake, staring at her. She should stop laughing out loud if she wants to be a spy. Spies don't laugh out loud! … Do spies laugh at all?

She turns to Jeff, as if he has the answer, but he doesn't. Then she remembers that she's horny and she wants to stick her mouth on his. So she rolls onto him and puts one leg over his lap, and she's _about_ to put her arms around his neck when she accidentally elbows Abed in the face in the process.

Sexy spy! She's terrible at being a spy!

She rolls off of Jeff and toward Abed, leaving Jeff with his mouth open and ready. He realizes she's not there anymore, so he turns and presses his face up against the window.

Britta sighs in frustration and looks at Abed angrily. She wants to rub up against someone and she can't, because he's here and she's a spy. He stares at her blankly.

_Wait_... he's a _he_! Her mouth curves into a smile, and Abed notices. His blank stare is altered by a raised eyebrow, and somehow that does it for Britta.

Before her brain can even process what she's _actually_ doing, she's put her hand on his leg (dangerously close to his crotch) and squeezes.

Wow, he's _really_ skinny! His legs are _so_ skinny! She pushes herself up against the side of him and runs her hand up and down his leg, a little bit harshly, so that the denim of his jeans burns her palm a bit, but he doesn't seem to mind. He hasn't moved at all-

She looks up at his face to see his eyes are wide and staring at her in surprise. She giggles a little and runs her hand further up his leg... higher than it had been before. Abed _visibly gulps_. Britta puts her other hand on his other leg, and starts massaging, further and further up... wow, he has really long legs! But she reaches somewhere- she reaches _somewhere_ when he finally shifts away from her, his mouth open like he's about to say something...

And now Britta is so strangely pleased to have been able to pull him out of his 24/7 robotic stupor, she's excited to the point of being completely overwhelmed with the idea of making him more _real_...

"Bri-"

She ignores his attempt at speech and clambers on top of him. She feels a little dizzy, but her blood seems to be on fire as she straddles his waist and kisses him.

Well, rather, sticks her tongue down his throat. She likes to think that she's being eloquent about it, or _at least _being the sexy spy she usually is, but she's drunk, it's dark and she's horny, so she puts one hand down his back in an attempt to grab his ass as she deepens the kiss and pushes herself up against him... He's _so_ skinny!

He's not reacting, much; his eyes are wider than ever, so that's a little progress. Britta keeps one eye on him – which is hard because his mouth is sweet like caramel and her eyes want to flutter shut... and that's ridiculously ridiculous – as she sneakily (like a spy) pushes up the fabric of his shirt and slides her hand up his back. Somehow, that does it. His eyes close and he kisses her back. It's surreal – caramel and chocolate, the only thing better than _just_ caramel. It's not frantic though and somehow she finds herself relaxing a bit. She's still horny, but not as urgent about it as before. It's more of a... _I want to have your babies_ kind of horny, which is strange because she doesn't want kids, but either way she hums gently as she reaches for the zipper on his pants-

"Britta."

His hands are on her shoulders and he's pushed her gently away from him, his head cocked to the side. The familiar gesture seems to kick Britta in the stomach and pull her back to reality; they're in the back of Jeff's car, it's Troy's birthday night, Troy is taking Annie back to her apartment and _Britta just made out with Abed_. Her head is spinning and she's leaning back her head on the back of the driver's seat, "Oh god," she says, perhaps too loudly – her vision is clouded, but she can still somehow make out Abed's eyes staring at her with concern. "I'm going to be sick!"

Now, anyone else might have taken this as an insult, but not Abed. He opens the door and swings Britta off of him and onto the pavement. The cold night's air whips at her face and she stumbles about two steps away from the car before throwing her guts up onto the sidewalk.

When she finishes, Britta realizes Abed's beside her- he had been holding her hair back, and now he's supporting her with a hand on her side. She's about to mumble 'thank you', but then remembers she was _on top of him_, and her eyes flicker sideways then down to his pants. She almost throws up again when she sees that his zipper has been pulled down ever so slightly and her head is spinning again and oh god-

"Gross," Abed remarks calmly once she's done throwing up again, and it's all she can do to not fall into him.

She probably could have gotten away with that before, but oh-ho-ho, she is going to try _not _touching him for a while, and-

"Thanks," she mumbles finally, pushing his hand away from the back of her head and her waist.

_Oh god, this is not good._

"Britta? Abed? Is everything okay?" Britta looks up fast to see Troy coming down the steps to what she's guessing is Annie's _specific _apartment building – what planet are they on again? – over towards them and the car, looking considerably more happy than he had when he left... but also disgusted at the puddle of Britta's vomit on the ground.

"Gross!" he says, sidestepping it and opening the car door. He looks back at Britta. "_You_ look like death," is the bland observation he makes. "Are you OK?" Britta manages a small nod in response, and Troy nods sympathetically. "Well, I hope Annie doesn't step in it in the morning. Don't puke in Jeff's car, he'll kill us all."

Britta crawls in without another look at Abed, and slides as close to Jeff as she can. Abed follows suit, but just closes the door behind him and looks out the window. They're barely touching anymore, and it makes Britta feel a lot safer, and a lot more_insane_.

There are a few tense moments of silence and Troy hasn't started the car yet. Britta just wants to go home … or something.

"Listen... I'm sorry I exploded on you guys."

Abed nods to her left and Jeff grunts to her right.

Another moment of silence and Britta's heart is beating hard, because she _suddenly_ realizes that making out with Abed wasn't a solution at all. He's still in the Study Group and the problem wasn't that she was sleeping with Jeff it was that she was sleeping with a member of the Study Group and Abed's going to work it all out anyways and she's going to have her spy-dom revoked and everything is terrible and-

Troy starts the car.

Abed doesn't say a word. And neither does Jeff.

…

_What's going on_?

She knows that if she had made out with Jeff, Abed _totally_ would have told. But, now that she thinks about it, Jeff didn't make any comment at all, _or_ seem to mind at-

"I'm _not_ King of the Unicorns... leave me alone..."

Oh.

He's asleep.

Britta cringes and sinks into her sleeping friend, further away from Abed, who seems to have taken to looking out of the window, still looking strangely flushed... and definitely confused. Britta closes her eyes.

_Oops_.

**x**

"Haha! That's pretty funny," is what Jeff had later said about the matter, which was neither helpful nor instructive, _nor_ warranted for. At all.

So after locking him out of his own bathroom and using his towel ("No! Dammit, Britta, it smells like _woman_ now!"), Britta had left his apartment, grabbed her car keys and made her way toward Greendale Community College.

It's exactly twenty minutes before the first class of the day when Britta knocks on the door to Abed's dorm room, sweaty palms, mixed explanations and apologies muddled together inside her head. The fact that she can barely remember the incident doesn't help, and all she can remember is the taste of caramel, a need to make babies, and throwing up on the sidewalk in front of Annie's apartment building. Which doesn't make her feel better in the slightest.

Her head doesn't ache as much as it had at six in the morning (which was when the sun woke her up, because stupid Jeff always forgot to close the stupid drapes), and it's a small comfort. But when Abed opens the door, quietly beat-boxing, bag slung over his shoulder and ready to go to class, Britta seems to lose the power of speech.

"_Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy_ Ah-bedddd!" she exclaims with a smile that fades into a grimace.

Abed nods, opens his mouth, closes it...

"You stuck your tongue down my throat and tried to grab my ass." Abed states robotically, which causes Britta to make a face. He shrugs. "I'm guessing that's why you're here?"

"Uh..." Britta shifts uncomfortably, Can we talk about this inside, quickly?"

"Sure," Abed nods, moving aside for her to enter.

Britta moves past him, not daring to look him in the eye. "I do want you to know, though, that it's perfectly understandable," Abed says.

Britta thinks about sitting on the sofa, but decides against it. She stands in the middle of the room and turns to Abed, eyebrow raised. _Please be cocky and actually a terrible person. It will be so much easier to walk away if you are._ "What is?"

Abed points at her, then at him. "You making out with me." He shrugs again. "People do it all the time."

The blonde opens her mouth, closes it and frowns.

"Wait, _what_?"

Abed shrugs. "When people are lonely, or drunk, or having an existential crisis, they make out with me, if I'm there. I have a very likable disposition, and my blank expression and emotional disconnectedness comforts them into thinking that I won't commit to it at all; so they have someone to non-verbally comfort them with no strings attached," Abed explains matter-of-factly, Britta's jaw dropping lower and lower as she listens.

"What?" she repeats again, and then shakes her head. "Abed, that's _terrible_!"

He cocks his head to one side. "_You_ did it."

"Abed, that doesn't make it any less terrible! I was still using you, for my own selfish needs! And-" she shakes her head again – this still wasn't computing. "_What_? Who makes out with you?"

"I don't mind it," he says, ignoring the question.

Britta sighs loudly and stares at him. _Men!_

"No," she says, finally, hands on hips. "I don't imagine you would."

The two of them stand in the center of Abed's dorm room in silence. Britta feels slightly better, but that's not much better. Oh god, if anyone else in the Study Group found out, she would probably have to move to Europe... the I-love-Jeff fiasco was bad enough, and somehow, this felt just as bad as the time she drunk-dialed the ex-lawyer. OK, no, _worse_.

_Wow_! Alcohol and her did not go well together at all!

Abed looked equally uncomfortable. He was playing with his bag strap and his eyes were darting around the room. Aw, man, poor Abed! He doesn't know how to and simply _can't_ react to a situation like this! _I am officially the _actual _worst_, Britta thinks dully. She sighs loudly and looks at Abed with all the sympathy and guilt she feels.

"Ugh, Abed. I'm _so so so_ sorry. The thing is, I get really... turned on when I'm drunk, which is _definitely_ as embarrassing as it sounds, and if I could undo it, I _totally_ would, because I feel like I've permanently damaged our friendship, and you were like, my first friend here, Abed! And I just seem to ruin everything and now I've ruined this and everything is terrible _including me_. I'm the worst."

_Now_ she falls onto the sofa, arms folded, pouting so severely that she hates herself even _more_.

"I'm a terrible human being and now I've destroyed the Group's mojo for good, in an attempt to not destroy it at all!"

A few seconds pass before Abed awkwardly sits down next to her. He puts his hand on her knee, and she turns to see he's attempting a smile – and it's really weird.

"Well, Jeff was asleep, right? Troy was taking Annie home and everyone was drunk. It was late. If we make up now, we can save the drama later, and the Study Group's mojo will be untouched. If we just pretend it never happened, that is."

Britta swallows, because that's a terrible idea and it's destroying her brain.

"Abed, I _can't_ be like another one of these horrible girls that just _used_ you, I respect you too much for that!"

"Who said it was only girls?"

Britta's eyes widen. Abed stares at her blankly.

"Oh... kay. My point is, I can't do that to you, Abed."

"So you want to tell everyone?"

"... No."

"Then what do you want?"

And Britta sees it again.

She's not sure exactly _when_ she became obsessed with 'spotting an emotion', but she does know that the idea of it makes her sick to her stomach. She knows Abed _feels, _she always has. She actually may have even been the first person in the group to know that. But there's something about seeing the emotion right away, without having to get through any barriers that makes her so... _intrigued_?

Right now, Abed looks annoyed.

Ever so slightly. It's a shadow of annoyance. _'Then what do you want?' _He just wants to make her happy and get this over and done with.

"I don't know yet," Britta cringes.

Abed's subtle annoyance is still not lost on her, so she struggles to find a proper answer. "We could... not bring it up, for now and then think on our feet if someone mentions it."

And by someone, she means Jeff, but she can't really believe he's _that _much of a threat.

"So basically, white lies," Abed sums it up.

Britta squints. That sounds _much _too blunt.

"Uh... some...thing like that, I guess. Yeah," she caves.

Abed blinks, taking it in and then shrugs. "Fine," he says, offering his hand.

Britta stares at it, and he tuts impatiently. "This is where we shake. That's what they do in movies and tv shows when two people have come to an important decision or mediocre plan."

"Oh," Britta says, feeling stupid, but she doesn't take his hand and Abed's lets it fall to his side. "Listen, um... I don't _actually _remember much … at all – because I was wasted." She's whispering now, though she's not completely sure why. "You'd tell me if I did anything _too_ embarrassing, right?"

Abed is quiet. He looks down, and then back up at her.

"Sure," he smiles, and then looks serious. "You stuck your tongue down my throat and grabbed my ass."

Britta's eyes widen. "You said '_tried to_' before!"

"I'm coming clean," he clarifies. "I didn't want you to feel too embarrassed."

"But you're telling me the whole truth now, right?" she asks tentatively.

Abed answers that with a, "Oh, and you also almost threw up on me after" and Britta's attention is now elsewhere.

"Oh my god, I almost did, didn't I?"

"Yeah," Abed nods.

She makes a face.

"OK, OK, let's shake on it."

And they do.

**x**

Britta and Abed are five minutes late, but Duncan hasn't arrived yet, and if they're lucky, he won't arrive at all. She takes her seat resignedly beside a grinning Jeff, wondering if she can punch him in the face yet.

"How did your chat with your rowboat go?" he grins.

"How do you know about rowb- he's _not_ a robot!" She snaps, slapping him on the arm.

"Oh, you're right, a robot wouldn't know how to kiss back-"

"Will you be quiet?" Britta hisses. "And the talk went _fine_. His feelings aren't hurt, the only one of us who's mortified is me, and we're not going to mention it. So I'd appreciate it if you would stop _talking about it in a full classroom_!"

"He's _not_ mortified?" Jeff questions. Then he shrugs. "No, I don't see why he would be."

"I said, _stop_," Britta repeats, squeezing his arm – it's supposed to be threatening, but he still seems amused. "It's not _that_ big a deal." She manages a sideways glance at Abed, sitting a few rows in front, chatting contentedly with Troy. "It was only a kiss."

Jeff snorts loudly. Britta looks back at him, a frown on her face.

"OK, fine, I also may have grabbed his ass," she mutters.

Jeff laughs out loud, as if he can't contain it. Once again, dread fills the pit of Britta's stomach. _Oh no._..

"Ohohoho," he laughs. "No, you did a _little_ more than kiss him and grab his ass."

Britta stares it him, eyes wide and stomach churning uncomfortably. "You were _awake_?"

"Of course I was awake, dummy." He leans forward to whisper. "And you were _moaning_."

Britta hits the table. She's pretty sure her brain is going to explode. "WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS NOW?"

Some students turn around to stare, but she just lifts up her Anthro text book and hides behind it, pulling Jeff down with her. He shrugs. "Sorry, I thought you knew," he whispers. Well, at least he's whispering, and at least he's sorry.

Britta glares at him for a couple of moments. He has one eyebrow raised, as if to say, 'can we sit up yet?' But Britta has to know...

"How bad?" She winces.

Jeff sighs. "It was kind of gross. And it looked like you were attempting to give his leg a hand-job," he muses. "And then it looked like you were about to give him an _actual_ hand-job."

"_WHAT_?" Britta almost shrieks – but, manages to keep some control of her voice. So she sounds like a quiet, dying seal.

Jeff nods. "Or worse."

"What's worse than a _hand-job_?!"

Jeff raises his eyebrows.

"Oh, fuck," Britta says, sitting up and putting the text book down. "Fuckity, fuck, fuck."

"_You would have_," Jeff sing-songs as he leans back in his chair.

Britta picks the text book back up and whacks him with it.

And that's when the two of them notice. There is quite a few pair of eyes on them, but there are five people in particular that they are interested in. Britta looks from person to person.

Troy's mouth is wide open. Annie's eyebrows are raised. Shirley's eyes are wide and she's muttering things under her breath that Britta's glad she can't hear. Pierce is staring too, although, she's certain he's clueless and is just looking to fit in with the group. Britta finally looks back at Abed, who's shaking his head at her subtly, eyes wide.

For spies trying to be inconspicuous, they're not doing that great of a job at it at _all_.

Britta blinks, and, deciding this day could not get any worse (because, technically, making out with Abed had been today) she turns to Jeff. "Did you say he kissed back?"

* * *

**an**. spread the word! this ship is a-hapnen.

i hope you enjoyed your read :) chapter 2 should be up soon :)


	2. Chapter 2

**an**. okay so apparently troy's birthday was on a saturday, but let's all pretend it was the thursday.

sorry this took so long, life punched me in the face. i'm so glad people have taken to this story though, seeing as the pairing's so unpopular i wasn't sure if i was going to get any feedback at all!

AND, i know this is very much a filler chapter, but it was too long to add anything else. so i added a 'sneak peak' (?) of the next chapter at the end, a chapter i hope to upload at least throughout this next week :)

(also, if you guys are also reading 'some nights', if you review asking when i'm gonna update as a guest, i can't answer you! send me a pm if you will!) (oh, and i'm planning on updating soon. for some reason the jeffannie part of my brain isn't working any more BUT IT WILL dammit)

**warning**: swearing and mentioning of mature?themes. idk.

thanks again to my beta, _pixiesticks-cc_, for believin in mey.

* * *

_in mixology certification, when jeff, britta and abed are left in the backseat of jeff's car, there's a rather interesting turn of events..._

* * *

**chapter 2**

It takes Britta two more days and a dream to remember the events clearly.

She's dreaming when she tastes his mouth (even though it's just the memory of caramel). She's dreaming when she straddles his waist (she wakes up hugging a pillow), and she's dreaming when she feels the need to vomit (but feels puke-free when she wakes up).

Lying in bed with her legs wrapped around her pillow and one of her eyeless cats silently judging her from the windowsill, she stops for a few moments to wonder why she didn't put at least one of her hands through his hair. She's always been kind of curious as to what it may feel like...

"Ahrg!" she exclaims, picking up the pillow and throwing it across the room. _Sigh, another reason to hate Mondays._

Though she still can't taste caramel, she can remember it just fine, and ends up brushing her teeth vigorously in front of the bathroom mirror.

"Pull it together, Perry!" she shouts at her reflection. "This is _your_ mess! You started it, _you_ get through it! And stop talking to yourself, that's insane!"

She hits the glass a little resignedly and then steps back.

"Oh, god." And... "Poor Abed!"

**x**

"_Or,_ not poor Abed at all," Jeff says as they walk out of Anthropology together. "Look at him." He points across the hallway at Troy and Abed pretending to shoot each other.

Britta grabs his hand and forces it to his side. They had agreed on a no pointing policy! He seems to only be discreet if there's sex involved! Sex for him, that is. "To be honest, I've only seen him happier in front of a TV." Jeff shrugs. "I think you're beating yourself up too much."

Britta looks at him in disbelief. "'Beating myself up too much? _Oh my god_, Jeff! Just because we're not all shameless jerks like you, Mr-_Men-are-animals-who-crave-young-flesh_, it doesn't mean that you get to-"

"Oh, gotta go," Jeff interrupts.

Britta watches in confusion as he breaks into a half-run and disappears around the corner.

"What the-" she begins, but then she sees what he saw. "Oh. Hiiiii guyyyys!"

Her smile is probably half-assed as Shirley and Annie fall into step beside her, and she struggles to not drop her books as each of the women weave their arms through each of hers.

"You guys were waiting to ambush me, weren't you?" she asks in disbelief once she's locked in – she's completely trapped! What the hell?

"Well, Britt-ah," Shirley begins on her right, business-like, "that's not important. What's important is that we still haven't had that chat you promised us after storming out of Anthropology last week , and you've just been avoiding my discreet signals and inquiries, which isn't very nice at all. Annie and I, after seeing you arguing with Jeff and being totally oblivious to the world around you, decided that it was now or never – class is over in two days and we'll probably have all forgotten about everything by the time we see each other again, and something is going on. I want to know what's up."

Britta blinked slowly.

"Um... it can't be that important if you'd forget about it?"

"Oh, it is." Annie chirped on Britta's left.

"Listen, guys, I really don't want to do this today – _less so_ than any other day."_Because I remember everything now and I will most definitely blurt it all out if you poke and prod just the right amount!_

"Well, we're gonna have to do it anyhow, so … bathroom?"

"Oh _god_!" cries Britta. "You guys _totally_plotted this!"

"Not important," Shirley repeats, and the two women steer Britta into the first ladies room in sight.

Once they're in, Shirley leans against the door and Annie checks all the stalls. "Clear," she says, and Shirley nods.

Then, the older of the two women approaches the bathroom mirror, and brings mascara out of her handbag.

Britta folds her arms and scowls. Nope. She's really not in the mood today.

"So, Britta," the older woman begins, "Annie and I have decided to stop questioning the identity of the young man you took advantage of."

Britta raises a skeptical eyebrow at the twenty-year-old, who nods in agreement, though she doesn't look all that convincing.

"Instead, we've decided to talk to you about Jeff," continues Shirley, and Britta looks back at her. She's now turned around from the mirror and is looking at Britta, dead serious. "Britta, that boy is_jealous_."

Britta snorts loudly.

Shirley looks extremely offended, though, so she tries to explain. "Oh, no, Shirley, I'm sorry, but I think you're – _really_ – mistaken..."

Shirley _hmph_s. "Why else would he blabber about you being disrespectful with a forgettable man in front of the whole of our Anthropology class? If that's not misplaced jealousy, I don't know what is."

"It's not misplaced jealousy," Britta insists. "More like a misplaced... companionship? Does that expression exist? Whatever! He's just being a lousy friend, okay?" She looks at Annie. She's sure to back her up on this – but Annie's looking sheepish.

"I don't know, Britta," she starts quietly, "he seems rather happy to be spending more and more time with you lately."

"Lately?" repeats Britta in disbelief. "It's been _two days_! And he's not happy about spending more time with me, he's happy because he's at a higher moral standpoint right now and he likes watching me squirm!"

"Nuh-huh, Britta," says Shirley, shaking her head, not having any of it. "Jeffrey obviously still has feelings for you."

"_Still_? Shirley, he never ever _did_!" Shirley opens her mouth, but Britta interrupts. "This whole conversation is _ridiculous_ and I thought that the beginning of this year put the both of you off of trying to understand the way Jeff's brain works! It's a dark, dark place! You guys don't wanna go there!"

"Well-" Annie begins, but Britta's glare quiets her for a moment before she starts again. "You understand him better than we all do. _You_ understand his brain! We don't, but you do! And that's got to count for something, right?"

She ends her sentence with a question, but it's pretty obvious that she doesn't want an answer. She's starting to look painfully close to vomiting. It's all Britta can do to not roll her eyes.

"Yeah, it counts for something. _Good friends_. I'm not going to continue arguing with you two, because you're simply being too ridiculous, but I will say this: Jeff and I are friends! We're like-" She stops herself before saying 'brother and sister', because her secret sex with Jeff could be labeled as incest and, well, Britta wasn't going to go down that road right now. "-really good friends! Like Troy and Abed, but without the sexual tension." She laughs, but other two women stare at her blankly. "That... was a joke. Ugh. Whatever. I'm leaving."

And with that, Britta marches out of the bathroom, not looking back. Unfortunately she runs straight into Abed.

"Hey, Britta." He waves a little.

Britta tries not to scream.  
"Hey, Abed," she says through gritted teeth, moving past him.

She has to remember that her number one priority right now is getting away from the bathroom. Abed follows her without hesitation. "Where's Troy?" she grunts.

"He went to bug Jeff about a belt or something." He waves that away. "Listen, I wanted to ask – what's my rating?"

Britta turns to frown at him. "Your- your what?"

"My rating." repeats Abed, unblinking.

"_Today's the day!"_ the Dean's cheery voice rings throughout the PA system.

"What the- Wh-_why_ are you bringing this up?" Britta hisses in disbelief, looking at the other students in the hallway and willing Abed to shut up. No such luck.

"_Today's the day we get our Christmas cards! Tomorrow being the last day of classes, today's the day to wish your fellow students merry Christmas, and to kiss that special someone under the mistletoe!"_

Britta's head snaps up in horror as Abed continues to talk.

"I'm curious and I can't kiss myself. A lot of the people I've kissed never want to bring it up again," he explains.

Britta is fully aware that she is one of those people, and she's _also_ fully aware that Abed knows that. So, basically, her guilt and her paranoia are having a nasty brawl in the courtyard of her brain.

"Out of ten?" he prompts, and points upward.

"Dammit," Britta remarks – how she managed to still walk under mistletoe while looking out for it is beyond her. "Ugh, come here," she says, grabs him by the shirt and pecks him on the cheek. (Whoa, she could cut herself on those cheekbones, yikes.) "_Yay_, merry freaking Christmas," she cheers sarcastically, and he blinks at her in surprise. "Now come on!" Her grasp still on his shirt, she drags him over to the nearest janitor's closet, looks around quickly, sees that nobody's looking, and pushes him inside.

_"I'm sure the misteltoe will lead to awkward situations and unwanted confessions of love, but hey, what's the plant for, if not that!"_

Britta slams the door shut, blocking out the Dean's pointless PA.

"Abed, I'm _trying_ to be inconspicuous here!" she scolds as she pulls the light on.

She almost trips over a bucket when she attempts to lean against the wall, so she settles for standing up straight. Abed looks awkwardly cramped, even though he looks like the smallest person on Earth – not short, just... _small_. Which is ridiculous, because he's huge. He's looking around the closet like he's never seen one before.

"You have to _not_ bring any of this up in public!" continues Britta. "Or – um – _at all_! Also, avoiding mistletoe should be up_here _on your to-do list when you're with me." She says, raising her hand to the ceiling.

Abed faces her, and something tugs at the corner of his mouth. "So you remember nothing?"

Britta straightens. "Nothing," she lies, pushing caramel and the skinniness of his legs to the back of his mind.

"Would you like to try it again? On the mouth? I really wasn't expecting you to kiss me on the cheek out there."

"_No_!"

Abed shrugs. "Just asking. I wouldn't mind, at all."

Britta massages her head with her hand. "_I_ would." She mumbles, but Abed's already moving on.

"Well, anyways, we're not in public anymore, which is good, because here's what I _really_ wanted to ask you."

_Oh, great._

"Why did you make out me instead of Jeff?" He asks the question like he doesn't much care for the answer – but his eyes are intent, and his expression goes somewhere beyond curiosity.

"Oh, don't worry, it's nothing personal," Britta laughs nervously, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. Abed deflates a little (or maybe that's just Britta's paranoia playing up again), but then presses on.

"Nope, I've played it over in my head-" Britta hopes she's not blushing "-you were about to kiss Jeff but then you kissed me, instead. Why not Jeff?"

Britta opens her mouth, and then closes it. She shrugs. "I don't know, I was drunk."

She smiles weakly.

He squints a little as if he can see through her lies. Britta almost shudders at the thought.

"Uh... my turn to ask a question!" She exclaims before Abed can 'play it over in his head' one more time. "How come you still didn't tell me the whole truth, after I specifically asked for you to?"

At this, Abed looks down, at the bucket he has one foot in.

"I-I told you. I didn't want you to feel bad."

Britta forces herself to be angry at him. "Yeah, well, next time tell me the whole truth. I'm a big girl. I can take it I'd rather you tell me about it than Jeff blurt it out in Anthropology." Pause. "And that was like a metaphor for a next time... because next time this will be about something else... because I'm not going to drunkenly make out with you... again..." She shakes her head. How come being angry at him _still_managed to make her feel bad about herself?  
"OK," Abed says. He's looking at her again. She sighs, a little in relief. When he wasn't looking at her, it somehow made her feel even worse. Like he was a wounded puppy she had kicked, when actually he was just a grown man she had drunkenly made out with.

She _needed_ to stop phrasing it like that.

"Ugh... can we get out of here now?" She asked exasperatedly.

"Sure," Abed nods. "Though, we might have to leave at different times, so as to not raise any eyebrows. It's lunch time. The hallways are plagued with students."

Britta sighs deeply and once again attempts leaning back on the shelf behind her – successfully!

"OK," she says, massaging her head. "You leave first. I'll meet you guys at lunch in five."

"Cool," Abed says, opening the door. "Cool, cool, cool."

Britta's left alone in the closet, sighing deeply. Well, at least she's alone now. She takes a deep breath and reaches into the pocket of her leather jacket. Out of it she pulls a small, square cardboard box, and out of that box, a cigarette. She looks at it dejectedly, before putting the pack back into her pocket and reaching into her handbag for a lighter.

Yeah, she had quit, but Friday morning she had bought a pack, and now she had a lighter in her bag.

She feels pretty lousy as she lights it, and she _does_ think of a three-way in Pierce's hot tub, but as soon as that image comes to her mind, she replaces it with a naked Jeff and suddenly things aren't so bad (hey, is woman, and she was hitting that!). Now she hates herself a little bit more, because Jeff is a total asshole, and she is totally shallow, obviously.

She's just about to take a long, calming drag when the door slams open. Light from the outside hallway momentarily blinds her, and she closes her eyes for a millisecond – long enough for someone to shut the door behind them and slap the cigarette out of her hand.

"What do you think _you're_ doing?" asks a shrill, feminine voice, and Britta doesn't hold back when she groans loudly.

The twenty year old is stomping on her cigarette. So much for some peace!

"Annie, leave me _alone_, okay! Jeff isn't in love with me! Go stare at him some more! Make out with him again, see if I care!"

Annie gasps at the comment, but then puts her hands on her hips and shakes her head.

"_Abed_!" she says. "You made out with_Abed_?"

_'Yeah, well, I'm fucking Jeff!'_ is what Britta wants to say, but instead she smiles weakly and crosses her arms. Busted.

"You _did_!" Annie near-shrieks, her hypothesis verified by Britta's silence. "Oh my _god_!" She stares at Britta in disbelief and Britta counts. _One, two, three_... "_Abed_! _Why_?"

If this had happened in the bathroom … If this had happened five minutes ago,_maybe_ Britta would think of a dignified answer. Maybe her brain would work so well she would think of a different answer altogether. A proper explanation. But she had been on trial twice in ten minutes, and Annie had stomped on her cigarette. Life was getting on Britta's nerves and she just_didn't care anymore _(right now).

"Because he was _there_, OK?" Britta near-yells, her nerves now completely wrecked. "I get horny when I'm drunk! And we were in Troy's car, and Abed was there, so I climbed on top of him and stuck my tongue in his mouth, and I tried to give his leg a hand job, and I put my hand up the back of his shirt, and I even tried to _unzip his pants_, yet _somehow_ I missed out on putting my hand through his hair, but _oh well_, it's done now, so you can save me your speech on friendship and your pity and your shame, because I don't _care_ if you're ashamed of me, and I don't _care_ if I ruined the group's mojo because I've ruined_me_, Annie! I made out with Abed! Abed! What is _wrong_ with me? I ruin_everything_! Abed was my first friend in the group and now he's acting weird around me. You and Shirley always judge me, Jeff has always been trying to get into my pants, Troy also stares at me a lot, which is beginning to freak me out a little, Pierce doesn't count, and Abed was the only _real_friend I had and now that's ruined too! What is wrong with me?"

And now Britta forgets trying to lean against the shelves behind her without tripping over the bucket as she sinks to the floor and sits in it.

"Don't bother answering," she mutters. "I'm overreacting. I'm just a little freaked."

_Because Abed is being freaky_.

"He just- whatever. It doesn't matter. I'm sitting in a bucket. Nothing matters right now." Britta takes a deep breath and forces a smile. "Usual Study Group drama stuff, right? This would make for an interesting 'episode'."

_The episode in which Britta sinks into a bucket of self-pity._

Annie is quiet for a moment. Then she crouches down in front of Britta, her expression sympathetic. "Um... well..." she begins, searching for the right words, "You _are_ overreacting just a tiny bit and you _are_ sitting in a bucket, which is a little bit pathetic. But you know that, right? Because you talked to me! You can't _not_tell anyone, Britta. That's just a whole load of drama that takes literally _nothing_ to avoid."

Britta nods numbly.

"I... told Jeff."

"That doesn't count, he was there." Annie puts her hand on Britta's shoulder. "You've got to tell the rest of the group. We're all your friends, Britta, no matter what. It's messy because that's what friendship is. If it's not a _tiny_ bit messy, you're doing it wrong. And nothing bad will come of telling everyone – this is silly." She nods. "You're sitting in a bucket."

"I _know_." Britta puts her face in her hands. It's dark in her hands. Maybe if she stays there long enough, she'll fall asleep and then wake up and it will all be better... "I just really don't think I can get out of this."

"Do you mean... the issue, or the bucket?" Annie asks tentatively.

Britta sighs. "The bucket."

"Oh, Britta. I'll help you out of the bucket_and_ the issue."

Britta looks up from her hands. "OK."

**x**

But, no matter how pure her intentions are to tell the rest of the group, something unexpected happens – Abed goes crazy.

As soon as they determine that it has nothing to do with Britta making out with him, she feels much better about the whole ordeal. Sure, it's still terrifying and extremely worrying, but as soon as she knows that it's not her fault, it's much easier (for Britta at least) to carry on tripping over gumdrops and singing Christmas carols (long story).

And then its Christmas vacation, and a nod from Annie as they leave the Study room tells her that the coast is clear. Even Shirley seems to be focused solely on Jeff being in love with her, which is somewhat an improvement... and now Britta can breathe for the first time this week, which is awesome. She's free! Free!

Free to do... nothing.

And this is where something interesting happens.

Britta and Abed become best friends.


	3. Chapter 3

**an**. so this chapter is special because it's in abed's pov! yup, i've been wanting to do abed for a while (pun very much intended)

i hope y'all enjoy this chap!

and thanks to pixiesticks-cc for beta'ing and the support! :D

* * *

_in mixology certification, when jeff, britta and abed are left in the backseat of jeff's car, there's a rather interesting turn of events..._

* * *

**chapter 3**

**1.**

The first time is awkward.

Or at least, Abed supposes it is. Britta is definitely _acting_ awkward and when people act awkward, it makes him uncomfortable. Not awkward at all. Abed rarely ever feels awkward.

Only uncomfortable.

She shows up at his dorm room at 9 PM three days after the last day of classes. It makes him feel uncomfortable.

"Hi," she says, beaming up at him.

His smile falters.

"Hi. I thought you were Troy," he says that last part because Britta's smile has faltered too, and he needs to explain his actions, so that she feels better. But she doesn't.

"Oh, god, _Troy's_ coming? I don't know why I'm here, this was a stupid idea- I'm gonna go-"

"Why _are_ you here?" Abed interrupts, because he doesn't want her to leave, so he asks the first question that comes to mind.

"I just _said_ I don't know," Britta sighs.

_Oh yeah_, Abed thinks. _That was a stupid question_. But, despite her prior status, she continues to explain. "I just wanted to hang out, I guess."

Abed looks her over for a quick analysis. She's wearing a little makeup, and holding her handbag tightly against her chest. The zips on the pockets are all slightly open and he catches sight of something … a toothbrush. He raises an eyebrow and looks back at her. She's seen that he's noticed, and goes about zipping the bag shut.

_Overnight bag_.

"At 9 PM?" Abed inquires.

He highly doubts Britta's overnight bags are ever used in the same context as Troy's, or his, when they pull an all-nighter. Again, he highly doubts Britta's all-nighters are the same as his and Troy's, but his mere implication that she may be here for sex seems to break Britta out of her flustered stupor.

"Yes!" She snaps. "I don't want to- ugh, _listen_, I had plans and they fell through. Everyone else is busy and you're my friend, so I thought I might drop by and say hi."

Abed tries not to look too interested in the plans that fell through. He has a theory that Jeff and Britta are having secret sex, but he prefers not to think about it – it's probably secret for a reason, and he doesn't want to ruin the fabric of the group or anything like that. Besides, it makes for a more interesting show this way.

He attempts a reassuring smile.

"Troy's not coming," he says finally. "As he already mentioned, he's with his family for the holidays. I was just hoping. I'm sorry your plans fell through and I'm glad you're here. You're welcome to come and watch the end of _The Empire Strikes Back _with me and then, after that, I was going to watch _The Return of the Jedi, The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, _and _Revenge of the Sith_. Then I was thinking about watching the first three again."

As soon as the invitation is out of his mouth, he feels uncomfortable. Was that too forward? Britta doesn't like _Star Wars_. Probably. He quickly adds, "I'm watching by order of release, not order of episodes." That's important information, right? _No. It's really not_.

Britta hugs her handbag and bites her inner lip. It probably _was_ too forward. He doesn't see why it was, though. They're friends. She just said so. They've been friends for a long time. Why shouldn't they watch _Star Wars_ together? He's about to ask her just this when she winces a little.

"I don't like _Star Wars_."

Ah. He was right. He wishes he wasn't.

Abed swallows a small scream and clenches his fists. _Don't tell her to go away. Don't tell her to go away. She's your friend, and will admit it_.

It takes an amazing amount of effort for him not to shut the door in her face.

"How-?" he begins, but his teeth clench. Britta's eyes widen, and she leans away from him a bit. "When was the last time you saw-" his voice raises into a shout, and then breaks.

Nope. This isn't working. He straightens. "When was the last time you watched _Star Wars_?"

Good.

Britta frowns, her fear replaced by weariness.

"When I was a little girl I watched it with my dad ..."

Abed doesn't listen past 'when I was a little girl'. She probably doesn't even remember Luke's second name. There's still hope. He can breathe.

Britta shifts uncomfortably. "I really didn't like it."

"Well, that doesn't matter," Abed brushes away, feeling much more relieved. "You were probably too young to understand its full brilliance and potential. How many times did you see it?"

Britta looks uncertain. "Just the once ..." she shakes her head. "I don't really remember-"

"Perfect," Abed says.

Suddenly, he's excited. Showing people his favorite shows and movies makes him feel important and happy. Just three months ago he had a _Star Wars_ fest with Troy, and now Britta too? He still wasn't used to having friends, but times like these he really enjoyed having them. "Come on, we'll watch _A New Hope_. Start from the beginning. There's _hope_ for you yet." He grins. "See what I did there?"

Britta looks indignant, and a little insulted. "No."

Abed shrugs. Clever puns are Jeff's deal anyway. That one wasn't even that clever.

He opens his door wide, because Britta doesn't have a choice anymore – he'll let it slide this once, but he _cannot_ be friends with someone who 'doesn't like' _Star Wars_.

Britta hesitates for a moment. Then she sighs.

"Only _one_ movie, then I'll go home. And _only_ if you put on a shirt."

Abed looks down.

He had been halfway through changing into his pajamas, in case he fell asleep (highly unlikely, but it had happened before) during one of the movies – then he had been distracted by that scene between Han Solo and Leia, seeing as he was trying to get that one scene right. _You like me because I'm a scoundrel._

He snaps out of it.

"Done," he says.

Britta watches two movies.

**2.**

The second time Britta shows up at his dorm room is less awkward (_slash: uncomfortable_) because it's been planned. Abed is fully dressed and has enough popcorn for two people this time.

"So we're gonna watch the other five today?" Britta asks as she enters his dorm room.

"The other four," Abed corrects her, closing the door behind him. Should he make the popcorn now, or later? It is only 10 AM.

"Boy, _that_ seems like a waste of a day," she says, slowly pacing the apartment while eying the sofa distastefully.

"It's the holidays. Nothing is a waste of a day," he points out and Britta shrugs. "What have you been spending the holidays doing?" he asks. "So far," he then adds.

Britta straightens and purses her lips. "Um... just... well, I was going to go to Mexico... but my VISA fell through. So, I'm stuck here. Another negative side effect of going by all the rules."

_'You don't usually?'_ Abed wants to ask, but he makes the sufficient connections in his head. High school dropout, wild-card – why would she? Until now, of course. Community College student.

"I do suppose I could get arrested, though ..." she's pondering under her breath.

Abed frowns. "What have you been spending the holidays doing?" He asks again.

Britta's head snaps up. "So you were saying _Episode Six_?"

Abed tries to meet her gaze, but she avoids it.

He's probably going to have to stop avoiding his theory about Britta and Jeff. If he starts hanging out with Britta more, it's probably going to be hard to ignore anyway. She _is_ wearing Jeff's underwear right now, he notes as she bends over to look at the DVDs he's laid out on the coffee table. He sighs and picks out the film from his collection. His Episodes four, five and six are in a separate box from Episodes one, two and three. The box is silver and has Darth Vader's mask in black on the front.

"You know," Britta says, when they're on the play menu, "These _Star Wars_ films _are_ quite interesting. It's nice that there's a strong, female lead, for a film of this age. Though, I do wish there were more. Females, that is. Then _again_, I guess there aren't many females in war – though this _is_ Star Wars. It's _in space_. Humans could be the only species that degrades the female species- you know in Prehistoric Age women were worshiped as vessels off life? Until they weren't. But that's not the point- are these guys in _Star Wars_ even human? Whatever." Abed's staring at her as she talks. She laughs. "When I was little, I used to think it was Star Horse. That's why I was so excited to see it." She stops talking. Her smile fades.

Part one of Abed thinks _Finally_. Part two of him feels uncomfortable, and wants to talk to her about whatever it is that's obviously bugging her, but, seeing as he's not that used to having different part one and part two of him, he goes for starting the movie.

As it begins, Britta whispers, "Luke and Leia are siblings, aren't they?"

Abed smiles.

x

He watches her closely during the Han Solo scenes. He's always curious to see people's reactions to Han, because Han is Abed's favorite character. But Britta doesn't seem at all bothered by him. Abed supposes he's just not real enough to spark Britta's interest. Yeah. That's probably it.

He's thought about asking Britta to give him feedback on _his_ Han Solo – meaning his interpretation of Harrison Ford's character – because he's been meaning to ask Annie for feedback on it, but Annie hasn't been around. Somehow he thinks asking Britta would be inappropriate. They're on _Episode I _right now, and she's much more comfortable around him. Their relationship took a blow when she drunkenly made out with him in the back of Jeff's car. As Abed told her, he was always fine with it, but she's not.

He's never really stopped to think about his relationship with Britta. It just... is. She was nice to him the very first day, and she's been nice to him since. She's the one who invited him to the Study Group. They're study room table buddies. Just unquestionably buddies. His relationship with her was probably the easiest, out of all the others. Troy was hard to befriend, at first. Everyone else thought Abed was weird. She probably thought he was weird, at first, now that he thinks about it. If anything, that's why she became his friend in the first place. Britta Perry, always trying too hard to be a good person.

Suddenly, he feels like he understands her a little better and that makes him feel a somewhat ill. Responsible, even.

Uncomfortable.

When their knees touch, he moves his away.

x

"So let me get this straight-" Britta says, straitening her body up and talking over the TV. Abed tries not to let his irritation show too much. "That_..._ _kid_ is Skywalker."

"Yup."

"But he's not Luke."

"No – This is _way_ before Episode IV."

"Which was the one... we saw first?"

"Yup."

Britta leans back again, her arms folded across her chest. Abed has learned that this doesn't definitely mean that she's angry. It's just a sign of defiance, and unwillingness to show that she's actually enjoying the movie. "Why didn't we just watch them in the order of the Episodes?"

"Because that's wrong," Abed answers simply.

Britta doesn't answer, but – though his gaze is fixed on Anakin's race – Abed catches a small smile.

**3.**

The third time Britta shows up at Abed's dorm room, it's not awkward – or anything at all. Abed isn't there, so Britta leaves.

**4**.

Then comes back the next day.

Abed opens his dorm room door, not a doubt in his mind about who's going to be on the other side. He can't help but feel a little excited, though. He had thought that he would be alone all through the Christmas holidays, what with Troy being with his family and stuff. Britta is _no_ Troy. She doesn't know what _Robocop_ is. Britta is... Britta, but he's grown uncomfortably comfortable around her.

"Oh, so you're here," is her greeting, plus a dorky grin. He supposes Britta _is_ kind of a dork, really. Quietly, he adds 'dorky' to his _List Of Things I Know About Britta._ A list he should probably get rid of. He already knew enough about her, and the things he kept on adding were insignificant at best.

"What do you mean?" he asks as she brushes past him. Her shoulder comes into contact with his chest and he's not quite sure how he feels about that.

"I came over the other day and it was a ghost town," Britta explains, her dorky grin faltering.

She takes a soda out of his strategically placed mini-fridge – strategically placed because it's right next to the sofa – and sits down on his sofa. (Or rather, falls down. Flops. He's noticed that too about her, she falls instead of sitting. She's always done that, and he's always noticed, but now it seems more important. He really doesn't like it.)

Abed blinks. But exactly when did she become so comfortable with his stuff? "Oh," he forces himself to speak. "Yeah. I was probably at home."

Britta's eyebrows pull together as she frowns, and then they rise promptly. "Oh! With your dad!" She wrinkles her nose a little at that. "I forg-" She stops and looks around his dorm room, then back at him. "Why are you here?"

Abed begins to answer, but then he doesn't. He doesn't really know. He likes Greendale a lot, though. It's like his second home and his real home- Well, his dad was there and there was a constant falafel odor. He had to keep his framed photos of his mother in his bedside table's drawers, and his dad was always angry, really. That was just how he was, though, and Abed had gotten used to it. But it contrasted heavily with the peace and quiet and _happiness_ of Greendale. He had too families now and somehow, this one was easier.

"The TV screen is better here," he answers simply.

Britta sips on her Pepsi.

There's a heavy silence that's an uncomfortable one for Abed, because he knows she's thinking about him, and trying to work him out. He's always been an enigma to a lot of people, though, so he shouldn't feel threatened by Britta's gaze. She's probably as bad with people as he is.

The silence goes on for several seconds, and he's really not enjoying it at all. She takes the can away from her mouth and chews on her bottom lip thoughtfully, all the time staring at him, making him want to squirm. Then he gets it. He's a wounded animal, all over again. He sees it pass across her face – the transformation from the I-can't-handle-responsibility Britta Perry to the I'm-a-good-person-ask-me-how Britta Perry. She settles her drink on her lap, her eyes wide and sympathetic.

"You know, you can always come round my place for movies."

As soon as she says it, she's back to I-can't-handle-responsibility, but only for a second. "I feel like I'm intruding a bit-" she begins, and Abed's eyes flicker to the soda can on her knee. "I mean, I have my cats, so I guess if you're allergic... also, I don't clean up too often. But it's pretty cosy. Sometimes. When the heating works." She forces a smile.

Abed is speechless. This is a step in Britta's development he hadn't been expecting until at least next seas- year. Britta's apartment was off charts. No kind of episode could probably warrant an inside-look at where she lived, especially not since her position as almost a main character had been downgraded at the beginning of this year. What episode could possibly take part in Britta's apartment? She'd never invite anyone around (she's too guarded a person). He couldn't see her throwing any kind of party, or the group investigating her disappearance if she went missing. Britta wouldn't just disappear. Or maybe she would. Britta's a wildcard, because she had invited someone around. She had invited him.

And possibly Jeff.

Probably.

Most definitely.

"OK," he says.

Britta beams.

"If you want, we can go now. I can show you where it is. You can bring over the movies and popcorn and we can watch it there?"

Abed's insides churn. An unexpected change of plans, a change of scenery. A new set. Cool?

"Cool. Cool, cool, cool."

x

They decided to get on the bus a block away from Greendale Community College, and wait at the stop for five minutes. The silence is pleasant enough. Abed takes to memorizing the bus timetable and Britta stands awkwardly with her hands in her pockets and her gaze fixed on the bus stop's ceiling. She's anxious, he can tell, but he figures if he's calm enough about it she will be too.

"So what are we gonna watch next?" she asks as they take seats on the bus. He sits by the window. There aren't many people on with them, and Britta's hands are in her lap.

"_Indiana Jones_," he says, holding up the box set for her to see. Her expression softens into a smile.

"That has Harrison Ford- Han Solo in it, right?" Abed nods. So she had noticed Han Solo. (_Of course she had, he's a main character._) Britta nods back, and stares forward, still smiling. "I like that guy."

Abed feels a sudden sadness that he can't quite explain. He tries to push it away.

"Look, Your Worshipfulness, let's get one thing straight. I take orders from just one person: me."

Britta faces him again, looking confused and a little hurt. Why does she look hurt?

"Wha-?"

Suddenly, Abed's stomach drops and he feels like he's going to be sick. He just looks at her, his mouth slightly open. What is wrong with him?

He tries to think of something to say, but he can't. He just sits there, feeling... uncomfortable, and wishing he had tried out his Han Solo on Annie instead. Why did he even bother with Britta? He had already decided that it wouldn't be a good idea...

"Oh, wait," she says, and his eyes refocus on her face. Her head is tilted a little to the side, and she's looking at his uncertainly from under her eyelashes, her hair falling in her face. "Were you being Han Solo?"

Abed breathes again.

Britta cringes, and laughs awkwardly, shaking her head.

"Sorry, I didn't get it. I'm stupid." She waves her hand and sits back, then laughs again. "That was pretty good."

Abed's not totally sure how he can go from feeling like he's got the weight of the Galaxy on his shoulders to feeling like he just won his first race down at the gorge.

Hm, maybe he should move on from _Star Wars _for a while.

"You're not. You're not stupid," he says when they get off the bus.

She offers him a tired smile but seems to mean it when she answers, "Thanks, Abed."

x

Britta's apartment is small, untidy, and smells of cats. The TV isn't nearly big enough, and, until he checks behind the fridge, he's not even sure she owns a DVD player.

Abed kind of likes it.

**9.**

One day, Abed decides to go to Britta's apartment without telling her beforehand.

She had told him that there was no need to ask for permission, but her tone at the time had told him the _opposite_ of that. So, usually, he called ahead, to make sure it was alright.

But today, Abed doesn't want to warn Britta at all. He wants to barge in on her every day life and delve in to the depths of her character. Character study and curiosity are a terrible mix when it comes to him.

(Of course, he knows that Britta isn't a character. It's just easier that way.)

He doesn't get buzzed up because the building door is open, as always. Pretty unsafe, he guesses, but he can't really care. Britta's always seemed to be just fine.

He tightens his grip around the paper bag containing _The Lion King _and _Aladdin_ (today is a cartoon day... she'll warm up to the idea) and gets his other hand ready to knock on Britta's door. Then he hears a voice.

In particular, Jeff's.

Abed could knock on the door, and not eavesdrop – but that would make for a pretty boring story. He presses his ear to the door, like in the movies, remaining calm and composed, like in the movies.

"What do you mean I smell bad? _You_ smell bad!"

He sounds pretty hurt. Abed cannot for the life of him guess the context, though. What a bizarre-

"I mean, you smell like you've used too much product and I can't _believe_ you brought a whole bag of gels and deodorants over here."

"Well, you told me to come. I had time to prepare."

Ah. Context.

"Ugh, this isn't a bed and breakfast, Jeff. This is just the bed." Abed hears mumbling. "Do _not_ insult my cats, Jeff!"

"Don't do this, Jeff," Jeff says in a high voice, mocking Britta. "Don't insult my cats, Jeff. Come over at midnight because I'm feeling lonely, Jeff!" All in all, not a very good impression of Britta.

Britta scoffs. "No, this was just payback for your booty call last week at _three AM._"

Silence.

Then, "I can't believe your not even going to _feed_ me. You're just going to kick me out into the cold street. What ever happened to the Christmas season? Being kind even if your an atheist and all that junk? We sand a _song_, Britta. And I'm _practically_ your slave."

"Yeah, well."

Silence.

Abed can hear clinking and chairs moving. He wants to move away from the door. But there's something in his throat and in the pit of his stomach. He nods to himself quickly, conformation that he was right.

Jeff and Britta are obviously having secret sex.

More clinking. A thud.

"But _don't_ expect me to cook for you."

Abed deduces that Jeff _is_ staying for breakfast- at 1 PM. No one comes near the door, and for a couple of minutes he's just frozen there.

"Did you hear about the-?"

As soon as Britta speaks, Abed stands up straight, almost automatically. His expression is as blank as ever, and his posture is his normal one. He feels different, though, but that's probably just knowledge.

He walks away from Britta's apartment, calm. Like in the movies.

x

Hours later, he returns to her apartment and doesn't mention Jeff. Not even one bit. After _The Lion King_, however, he doesn't jump up to put in _Aladdin_. He just sits there, on her sofa, one of her cats (Timothy) on his right foot. He wants to say something, but he's not sure what. Maybe something about the extra plate in the sink, or the man's underwear on the top of the fridge (which is kind of gross, and... _how_?). But, when he does start to speak, he doesn't start at all. His mouth stays clamped shut. He can't even look at her to see how she's coping with the silence. Maybe she feels awkward.

But then she speaks.

"You're still fine with the... me making out with you thing, right?"

"Yeah," Abed says immediately. It's kind of scary. His mouth wasn't working- why is it working now?

And why is she bringing this up now? Everything's probably ruined. The silence did it, he knows it. She's just remembered, because of the silence, and now they're back to square one. Or square two. He likes to think that square one is how they were before, square two is the weeks she spent avoiding him, square three is now. Or, before now. If they're back to square two.

She's going to tell him to leave. She's going to try and leave, remember this is her place, and then she's going to feel bad and stupid about letting him in here at all.

Timothy is glaring at him. He knew these cats didn't really like him. Well, he doesn't like them back too much either. Especially Timothy. Timothy with the spiteful one eye.

And she's not speaking, because this is the end. Of whatever this is. It's probably Jeff's fault, too. He shouldn't have asked for breakfast. It'll make sense later. The breakfast. Of course. That's why Britta is telling him this is over.

He feels sick all over again.

"Yeah, yeah- I'm fine with it," he says, to get her to talk. To get her to talk so that he can leave.

"You know what?" she says. He stares ahead. "I think I am too."

He turns to look at her. She's smiling. Beaming, even.

"Cool." He really means it and he really doesn't.

_I really do like you, Timothy_, he thinks quietly as Britta pops _Aladdin_ in. The cat licks his paw, and Abed decides not to come over to Britta's anymore.

Jeff's underwear is on top of the fridge.

Way too awkward.

* * *

**an2**. (reviews are food and i like eating)


End file.
